Jokes - have to share...

Enjoy...

THE TOP 40 NERD T-SHIRT SLOGANS

Cannot find REALITY.SYS - Universe halted

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes

Computers are not intelligent - They only think they are

My software never has bugs - It just develops random features

C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO CCCRAWL

COS COSRUN RUNDOSRUN

<-------------The information went data way ----------------------

Best file compression around: "DEL" = 100% compression

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in

BREAKFAST.COM Halted . . . Cereal Port not responding

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2d down, 4th quarters, 5 yards to go!

Access denied - - nah nah nah nah nah!

C:Bad command or file name! - Go stand in the corner

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

E Pluribus Modem

>...File not found - Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Reboot Washington, DC? (Y/.N)

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord

11th Commandment: Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium

24 hours in a day .... 24 beers in a case .... coincidence?

Windows: just another pane in the glass

SENILE.COM found .... Out of Memory

Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee

RAM disk is not an installation procedure

Shell to DOS .... Come in DOS - Do you copy?

Computer: a device designed to speed up and automate errors

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue . . .

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue . . .

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

Error: keyboard not attached - Press F1 to continue

DOS tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit

Press any key . . . no, No, NO!!! Not THAT one!

Press <CTRL><ALT><DEL>to continue . . .

:laugh:

I'm thinking of having this printed:
SENILE.COM found .... Out of Memory

Heh, here's a good one: http://milk.com/true-stories/unix_for_the_masses.html

The page claims that this is a true story but I'm not so sure about it after all


That's a great one!

I own the following:

"No I will not fix your computer"

">SELECT * FROM management WHERE clue > 0;
0 rows returned"

"Dont Blame Me, Its a Software Problem"

"Go Away, before I replace your job with a very small shell script"

this one just came to me.. remember the ole phone prank about the refridgerator? change that word to server and..

is your server running?

........
........
........


then ya better go catch it!!

hey notepad, could you please tell me

because there where I come from you don't really do phone pranks.

want to have a laugh about it aswell

it's when you call a random number out of the phone book, somebody you don't know, and you ask them if their refridgerator is running.. when they say yes, you say "then you better go catch it!" and hang up.

it's just childish humor. but adults do it too. like the jerky boys.

Nice!!

i will probably get "Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes"
Just need to find a T-Shirt Slogan Printer.

What about
LAMP = Linux Apache MySQL PHP
WIMP = Windows IIS Msql PHP
?

I enjoyed these..



Once I went into an office where they had a problem with file sharing within their local network. Their server was down due to a hardware failure. One of the guys who doesn't have that much of a computer knowledge asked me.. "Whats up dude.. What has gone wrong".. I simply replied, "Server is Down". This guy astonishly replied, "No man, it's on the table"..

I lived about 13 hours drive from my mother. She rings me and tells me her modem is broken. I told her there was very little I could do from here and she says "Can't you just log on and fix it?"
- she's never lived it down.

That reminds me of a senior administrator who kept nagging me to install Windows 2000 on this PC at another location a few states away. He called me one day, and asked me why I hadnt done it yet. I told him it was because I hadnt been to that plant yet. His reply was, why I hadnt done it using SMS remote control within Windows. DOH!

Always there is some fun with these modem issues.
Once I was installing a modem on my friends computer. This guy has lost the Driver CD that came along with it. This guy asks me "Hey.. Shall we download it??"